I do believe the title of the blog says it all. (*Sometimes NSFW*)
●Pepsi over Coke
●hamburgers over hot dogs
●natural over artificial light
●movies over TV
●wine over beer
●coffee over tea
●train over airplane
●cash over card
Remember that time good Christians spread the loving message of Jesus Christ throughout the world without EVER slaughtering people, raping them of their culture, or infringing upon their rights? Neither does anyone else. Islam isn’t the only religion with extremists. Let’s all try to keep that in mind.
Total Top: that rare being seen more in porn than real life whom most of us search for but seldom find.
Versatile Top: a total bottom who realized that his continued engagement in anal sex would only occur if he became the insertive partner, though he will revert to his bottom ways if approached by a true top.
Versatile: a mythical creature much like Big Foot, the Loch Ness monster, or a unicorn whom some people say exist yet never seem to have ever met in person.
Versatile Bottom: a total bottom with bottom shame.
Total Bottom: 95% of gay men who have anal sex. This dude will throw his legs up in the air faster than you can say KY Jelly.
Yesterday, out of sheer curiosity regarding the extent to which race plays a factor in gay social-networking interactions, I established phony Grindr and Scruff profiles as a white man. Borrowing the Facebook photo of one of my friends of comparable size and (in my estimation) attractiveness, I kept my stats the same (age: 34, weight: 140 pounds, height: 5’ 5”) and used the type of light, playful language that I do under normal circumstances. My acquaintance — who has short, blondish hair and blue eyes — is attired in a white dress shirt, dark necktie, blue jeans, and scarf in the picture. By selecting this particular individual as my white stand-in I felt I had chosen someone who embodies the “regular guy” good looks that most of us who use these apps possess, falling on neither extreme of the hot-or-not spectrum.
Within the first thirty minutes of creating each profile the messages started streaming in. White, black, and Latino men who never even thought to give me a second look, much less a preliminary one, were chomping at the bit to greet my Caucasian avatar, “RET.” “Hi.” “Hey.” “How are you?” “How are you doing?” ”How’s it going?” “You are so cute.” “Handsome guy.” The headless torsos sent me pictures of their faces without my asking. Other gentlemen opened their private photos without solicitation. One by one the conversations piled up until, by the time I decided to delete both profiles, I had received messages from a total of 42 guys (33 on Grindr and 9 on Scruff), 8 woofs, and 2 unlocked albums — all in the span of a few hours. It bears mentioning that I never sent a single message to anyone. Ever.
Though the outcome of this unofficial, unscientific sociological experiment did not surprise me in any way, I still couldn’t help but feel disconsolate at the inordinate value we continue to place on whiteness above everything else. It’s not enough that “RET” was perceived as vastly more attractive than I, despite my efforts to keep that part of the playing field leveled, but he also was viewed implicitly as more approachable, smarter, and more clever. All of the qualities that my faux white self exhibited in that short window of time I demonstrate each day in my profiles, yet because of my blackness they are either dismissed or overlooked. Such is the burden of people of color: disqualification or invisibility. This is why I fight so vehemently against the concept of racial preference as a valid part of sexual attraction, because it’s emblematic of the larger issue of white supremacy, which tells us that whiteness by itself is more than sufficient to bring legitimacy and merit to anyone and anything.
After I finished my experiment I erased both fake accounts and restored my actual ones. With confirmation of my long-held suspicion that neither my age nor height nor the amount of clothing I wear nor choice of words keeps men from either approaching or responding to me, I immediately changed both profiles to reflect my new reality. Though I feel empowered by the fact that I no longer have to “perform” to gain the attention that I want, I am deeply dispirited by the reason. No matter what my worth as a human being, my dark skin won’t let anything else matter.